Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Uncouth Barbarian's avatar

"A lot of people say money. But that's not exactly true. Women want leadership. Specifically, they want to be led to a vision of the future that they believe is good. They want a plan. And you need to be the man with the plan. Maybe you aren’t there initially, but you need to slowly strive to be a man with vision and competence, and the more real this process is, the better."

This is the biggest thing, around which all of the others revolve and are built off of. You build a dream for where you're going, and your future wife has to have a place in it. To see where she fits in it. Then you go out, and present that dream in your daily life. You pursue it in your job, your hobbies, in which friends you make and keep.

If you're false to your dream, it'll show. You'll be depressed, drink too much, have less energy, play too much video games, not spend time or money as you ought, not have the comradery you ought, etc.

As far as how you comport yourself; the biggest thing I changed about my mental attitude before I was married was I began thinking about myself as already a head of household. That changes how you interact with other men in a Church, and who. You stop spending all your time with the youth, the 18-25 year olds. Definitely not as much with those younger than that. You start setting up and being a part of men's groups at Churches, Young Adults (18-35) groups, getting to know fathers so you know how the daughters will have been raised, gain their respects and thus some of the respect of the whole Church. Stuff like that.

A fun way, if someone wants to do something physical that can also involve the woman, is to learn dancing. Most cities will have cheap dancing venues, 5-10 dollars a night with decent music. I prefer swing dancing, as it's the easiest to learn, but also has a high expert range to grow into. It will help you meet women, get experience talking and interacting with women, experience leading women, and teaching women. It's something where you can invite women from outside the venue and, if you go there regularly, you'll have social proof because people will know you.

Men display, women choose. It's the opposite of what most people will tell you, but it's the reality. You might chose to approach the woman, but what you're actually doing is displaying yourself - she gets to choose. Ace of Spades is the best teacher from the old Manosphere days. I wish he'd start writing again - his old blog was 80 proof oinomancy. I'd jump on that in a heartbeat.

Finally, just go out there and get it done. No advice from any of us will do any good if you don't put boots on the ground, and learn what works for you. You're the one putting yourself out there. You have no excuses at the end of the day that anyone will care about. History won't care, people will get tired of your whining, so get over it.

That's what men do.

Expand full comment
John's avatar
Jan 2Edited

Been following you for years, Dave, and I absolutely love this. Easily could become a book for fathers to give to their young sons.

I would like to add another idea: train your perspective to be one of abundance. This will teach your kids (by way of modeling, the lowest investment and highest ROI parenting method) that there is always a way through, a way to see a situation as positive or as a path to improvement. Show your family that your strength is not just for when it’s “easy” to be strong. A man can change the course of someone’s life simply by focusing his energy on a healthy abundant perspective.

Expand full comment
58 more comments...

No posts